A Lemon Shark Named Linda

Kristy and I are back on the road again! Well, back on the road for a limited amount of time. We are heading to Victoria, but taking the long route via Broome, Darwin, Alice Springs and South Australia. We have given ourselves a couple of months to do this trip and plan to be back in Vic in August. Why are we coming back? Because BABIES are going to be born! We are going to be first time aunties when Kristy’s brother and sister-in-law have their bubba, and my Mel is having another little one- a boy this time! YAY! We love all things cute and cuddly! So, with excitement, and also a little sob and a sigh, we have packed up and sold up. Goodbye fun little Victoria Perth unit. Goodbye Baptistcare. Goodbye Welshpool Border Express. Gooooooooodbyyyyyyyyye.

 First stop when we left was with Jo and Joe in Geraldton (I worked with Jo at Baptistcare). They were such wonderful hosts - how welcome we felt! Jo and Joe shared all their photos of their own WA travels, then they cooked us a massive BBQ, served with homemade chutneys and sauces. We slept in an extremely comfortable bed and they let Roxy (our fur-child) sit on the couch and sleep on the bed with us. Then, they gave us jars of homemade chutneys and jams to take with us! Thank you Jo and Joe. BTW – the chutney is nearly finished and the strawberry jam tastes like heaven in a jar.

 After we left Geraldton, we headed to Shark Bay. There needed to be a number of stops along the way because I continually needed to evacuate my bladder – it appears that I am squatting my way across W.A.! (the rhyming is intentional) We stopped at Billabong for lunch and that’s when Kristy noticed a speck on Roxy, which turned out to be a TICK! That’s when Kristy went a little kerazzy! She grabbed Roxy and started picking off the ticks, often ripping dog hair and dog skin in the process, ignoring the growls and snaps from the fur-child. Kristy did settle a bit when I explained (because I can Google, not because I am a tick expert) that the paralysis tick is not in this area, it’s only the brown dog tick and bush tick. And while they are yuk, they are not life threatening. Anyway, luckily we had purchased a tick collar in Geraldton (thanks to the advice of Jo), and within 10 minutes of that collar being on, the ticks fell off dead. And since Roxy has been wearing the collar, we have not seen any further ticks. Kristy is relieved, and so is Roxy (she gets to keep her fur!).

Our next stop was Shark Bay. The first night we arrived at Denham (the town of Shark Bay), Kristy and I were quite tired after we had set up the pop up caravan. It was the first time we had set up the caravan (we are not setting up a tent this time) and although it has gotten easier, the first time of set-up took longer than we thought. You know, it’s hard deciding where to put the microwave, air conditioner, TV, etc (yes, we are really roughing it). Anyway, as we were crawling into bed, we realise that the bottle of water that had been placed on the mattress had leaked everywhere, including through 2 doona’s, the sheet, the mattress protector and the foam egg shell mattress cover. So all of that had to be ripped off and hung over trees. We put a new sheet on the mattress and covered ourselves with some old blankets (Mel and Logan – remember the blankets we purchased at the Grand Canyon!) We were so exhausted that we did sleep although I woke up at about 3am feeling slightly chilly as Kristy and Roxy had stolen the blankets from me. 

The following day we went into Monkey Mia and as we stood in the water there was (at one stage) 18 dolphins in the water near us! Some dolphins were near enough for us to touch (not allowed to though). There have been wild dolphins coming to Monkey Mia for about 40 years, and one – Nicky – is still coming (apparently she is about 75 years old in human terms). Kristy took numerous photos and video footage of the dolphins – so much so that one of the rangers called us over and asked Kristy to send her some of the pics. I got to feed a wild dolphin! And it was all thanks to Kristy. We were there for the 1st feed, and I didn’t get chosen, and so we stayed for the 2nd feed, and I STILL didn’t get chosen, then Kristy worked her magic and I got chosen for the 3rd feed -which cut it pretty fine to catch the boat to the Pearl Farm, so Kristy asked the boat captain to hold the ship, which they did! (gotta luv WA people!) The Pearl Farm is out in the middle of the Bay, on a pontoon, and although I didn’t buy any pearls, I did get to taste Pearl Meat (which was salty and chewy and delicious). On the way to the Pearl Farm we saw more wild dolphins and a Manta Ray the size of a small car!

 Our little Roxy (7 month old Papillion) seems to be coping okay so far with the travelling. Her hair is getting longer, especially on her rear. For a while now it has looked like she is wearing knickerbockers, however the rear end hair has grown so long that the knickerbockers have become harem pants (should we change her name to Jeannie?)

 While at Shark Bay, we also went to the Ocean Marine Park, and we saw lots of fish, including a number of sharks. The biggest shark in their tank was a lemon shark named Linda! She was a very pretty, although lazy, shark. Just like me! Not really – as if I am lazy!

 Next stop was Coral Bay and OH MY GOD! The beach, Ningaloo Reef, the snorkelling, the brightly coloured fish, the coral, the sand and sun, etc – I am sure you get the picture. This is what we did every day in Coral Bay: Wake up, eat breakfast, walk to beach, snorkel. Come back to van, have lunch, back to beach and snorkel. Come back, eat dinner, shower and I would read Hunger Games and Kristy played Bubble Witch Saga (Facebook game). She loves that game so much that she should change her name to Kristy ‘Bubble Witch’ Baeffel. We loved Coral Bay – one of the best places to relax that I have ever been to. I did sustain a coral cut to the bottom of my foot on the first day I was there, which then followed days of limping and slight sooking, but even that could not dampen my enthusiasm. PS, when the coral cut occurred, a man helped me back to shore, and his advise was to put WD40 on the wound before putting Betadine and bandage it up. WD40!? Am I a squeaky hinge? I thought, “who am I to doubt this wisdom?” so on went the WD40. Don’t know if it made any difference, but how fun to use it on a coral cut!

We are now in Exmouth – first night here. On Sunday we have paid our money to go swimming with the Whale Sharks. I am feeling quite nervous about this, but the tour guide said that they are just like gold fish. Ummm, okay, if gold fish are the size of a HOUSE!

 Oh, funny little Kristy saying – there was a little bit of coke in the bottom of a can, and she said, “I will drink the dreds”. Um, I hope that there are only dregs in there, not any dreds.

 There is a beach here where clothing is optional. Should we go and be nudists for a day? I told Kristy that even Roxy needs to shed her collar. Will let you know how that goes in the next instalment. Not sure how Krsity will cope as she was pretty shocked to see some ladies going topless at Coral Bay.

Fast and furious: Happy Mother’s Day to our mothers. Happy Birthday Sue! Marion – I’m thinking of you and Sam. A cocky pooped on my head today. I didn’t win the 70 million. Vodka and cranberry is the best drink in the world. I like Bubble Witch too (but I don’t like to admit it). I cried reading The Hunger Games. We want to buy things for the babies everywhere we go. Everyone who meets our dog thinks she is part fox. And lastly... will the Melbourne Demons ever win a game???

KD Lang, Karen Minns, Sea Lions and much more

Last Saturday we went and saw K D Lang, live, in concert. And what a concert it was! Outdoors, at a winery in Swan Valley – amazing! It rained a bit, but only when we were lined up waiting to get in. Picture us, with hundreds of people, in a very long queue, all wearing cheap plastic ponchos (well, those of us with any class wore the cheap, plastic ponchos, the rest of them wore green, garbage bags!). The rain cleared up by the time the concert started and listening to Hallelujah and Constant Craving LIVE was a something I will never forget.

And... the weekend before was even better (hard to believe anything can be better than KD, but it happened!), because the weekend before, Karen Minns flew to Perth for the weekend to surprise me! How lovely is that! Kristy had told her that I was feeling homesick and together they arranged for Karen to come to W.A. We then drove to Jurin Bay and stayed by the beach for two days and nights, drinking lots of Rekorderlig Strawberry-Lime Cider (and if you haven’t tried it, you need to – truly, it is an orgasm in the mouth), swimming in the Indian ocean, playing with Sea Lions and getting our eyebrows tinted (Kristy did not partake in the brow tint – she was too busy drinking Rekorderlig cider).

Snorkelling with the sea lions was a wonderful experience, however because of a wetsuit debacle, I nearly didn’t get in the water. We arrived early for the Sea Lion experience and paid our money and got our wetsuits. I went into the change room with mine, and struggled and struggled to get it on, seriously, I was sweating it was so hard. I couldn’t believe that everyone else got theirs on so quickly, and I knew I was holding things up because it was taking so long. I had the wetsuit half on (and that alone had been a mamoth task!) but it wouldn’t budge anymore, so eventually I had to open my change room and ask for assistance, which is when I was told that I had the wet suit on backwards! Ohhh, the zip goes at the back, ohhhh! So, another amount of time goes by as I struggle to peel the damn thing off my legs. I turn it around and proceed to put it on THE RIGHT WAY, and it is still a struggle! Finally though, it is on, and I come out of the change room. I see everyone else looking (relatively) normal in their wetsuits, and there is me, looking like I am wearing a too tight sausage skin, with my arms almost horizontal because it is so tight. The wetsuit woman takes one look at me, tries to smother a smile, and suggests that I need a larger size wetsuit. Fortunately she helps peel this one off me, because I had sweated so much it had stuck to me and I doubt I would have had the strength to do it on my own. In the end I had a wet suit that was my size, and all was good in the world of swimming with the Sea Lions.

We did have a few injuries on that girls’ weekend... Karen, aside from a weirdly swollen ankle, incurred a Hot Tuna wound (she slightly stubbed her finger on a boat called Hot Tuna), and I was involved in a Pinnacle injury (grazed my knuckle as a hugged a pinnacle). The Pinnacles are ancient rock formations – they are limestone spiers that rise oddly out of the sand, and some are taller than me. Actually it felt like we were driving and walking through a desert full of penis’s – and most people that have seen the Pinnacles say the same thing (and if they are not saying it, they would be certainly thinking it). At one stage Kristy looked on the ground and found a little, tiny Pinnacle – she thought it was a new one just forming, but on closer inspection, it was just a cheezle (true story!).

Aside from the touristy things, we found time to just sit on the beach, and swim in the ocean and laze about. As Karen and I were swimming back from the pontoon (we were the only ones in the water at the time), Kristy starts calling out to us, “Go the other way!” Then she calls out, “Really, go the other way, there is something dark under the water near you!” I couldn’t believe how fast Karen swam to get away, and I couldn’t believe how she bowled me over without regard to get out of the way. Oh yes, she was willing to sacrifice me in an attempt to save herself! Yep, we are friends that will do anything for each other... unless there is a potential shark involved! By the way, we never did find out what the dark shape was, it swam away. Ahhhh, what’s a trip to the beach without a shark story.

In regards to my health, it could be better. (men, this is women’s health business now, so if that makes you icky, then I suggest you skip the next paragraph).

As many of you know, I bled heavily for 54 days. It was driving me crazy, so much pain, so much time off work, so tired, etc, etc, etc. Then the bleeding stopped, and I couldn’t believe it! And now it has started again, worse than before. It makes me very depressed. Yesterday I heard that the internal examination and D & C that was booked for the 2nd Dec, has now not been booked because the hospital made a mistake. I said to them, “You have to do something, I can’t keep going like this,” and they said, “Look, maybe someone will call you back.” Maybe???? What do they mean ‘maybe’???? Grrrrrr Grrrrrr grrrrrr with plenty of tears and gnashing of teeth. I have a gyno appointment on the 22nd November, but I think it is now too late to fit me into the 2nd Dec. WHY is this happening????

On a better note (men, you can start reading again), I am LOVING my tarot course that I go to every Monday night. I am also now on Lite and Lazy with Kristy, and I have joined Curves gym (with those weird hydraulic machines). I am aiming for some weight loss before the new year. I’m tired of needing the bigger wetsuit!!! Kristy, of course, remains trim, despite adding HUMUNGEOUS bowls of cereal, and chocolate sundaes, to her Lite & Easy diet.

At work today, I was asked by a training provider what version of excel we use at work. I (accidently) said, “We have a few virgins floating around here at Baptiscare.” Once it was out of my mouth, I tried to change it, and said, “I mean ‘virgins’.” WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I SAID IT AGAIN????? Why couldn’t my mouth say VERSION!!!!!

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention – I ironed the carpet! Accidently people – I’m not one of those carpet-ironing people! The ironing board we have is really wobbly (could that be because I picked it up off the side of the road?) and while I was ironing (which is a pretty rare event) the iron fell, and I was not even going to attempt to catch a hot iron. So it landed on the carpet, in the middle of the lounge. And of course, because we are in a rental, the carpet is made of high-quality, cheap-ass nylon, so of course it melted immediately into the shape of an iron. It cost a $120 to fix this! And all the carpet men did was cut out the iron burn and put in a carpet square. Now we have one, lone carpet tile in the middle of the lounge room. Classy.

Tomorrow I go to a “Letting Go” workshop. Yes, yes, we all know I am flaky and that I do witchy-poo things. I love all that stuff – the pranic healing, the burning ceremonies, the chanting, etc. I am VERY VERY VERY excited about tomorrow! I can’t wait to clear out some old and unnecessary old baggage that has been weighing me down for too long.

Fast news and notes: The tomato plants are filled with fruit, but none of it ripe yet. The capsicum are huge! Happy Birthday Jodie, for the 22nd. Just read the book Sybil again – what an amazing woman. Watched fireworks from the Balcony tonight. Tony, we are still working on Skype. Anita & Mark – only 6 weeks until we see you. Jake, it’s been ages. Peter Wilson was in town, and he will be again – Trisse, you have to come with him. I made sausage rolls tonight – yum. Dustey see you soon. I am in love with a dog named Eddie. I have hairy fingers, but Kristy’s are hairier. I have stopped the massage work for a while – too tired. My mum is no longer a Village person. Mel, Mick and Elle you have to come see us please please please please please. Safe travels lainy and roly. Rahni and ninja come visit us for a lez fest here. Shelley let us know if your coming next year. Happy 1st bday to little Alex and the twins Georgie and Ryder.

My brother sent me this quote: “One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it”, from Kung Fu Panda. It is a good quote to ponder on.

No hoodies needed here!

First of all, I have to say thank you to Perth for the BRILLIANT weather. Kristy, especially, is loving it. There isn’t all that much to update the blog with this time, but in the interest of not leaving it too long, here it is... Oh, word of warning – there is some toilet humour in this episode. If you are under the age of 16, you will need parental approval.

I am travelling a lot with work at the moment, not aeroplane travel, but car travel to rural areas. For e.g. I have been down to Albany (going there again next week),Margaret river a few times (it’s a hard life!!), Busselton, Manjemup (near Denmark - remember that tree-top walk Megan), etc – all places down South of Perth. Lately have been travelling with Marion, my newest staff member. She is so funny, talks non-stop with a very thick Manchester (England) accent, in fact sometimes I do not even know what she is telling me – I have perfected the art of nodding in a uncommitted manner (you know, those times when you are not sure if you should be saying yes or no). She says a few things wrong, and often (when I can understand her) it makes me laugh. For example she was telling me how she watched “2.5 (she said it as Two-Point-Five) Men” last night. I said, “Do you mean you watched Two & ½ Men?” She said, “Yes, that’s what I said. Ummm, no Marion, that is not what you said.

The first time I went on a country trip with Marion, she forgot her hair straightener, and as she is very girlie, she did not cope at all without it. I didn’t notice any difference with her hair, but apparently it was “frizzy” and “boofy”. I made a lot of fun of her though, just because I could. However, she was the one laughing the next time we went away because I forgot my clothes. I had my underwear and PJs in my little suitcase, but left 3 whole outfits at home (they were on coat hangers, hanging in the spare room). So I had to weat the same outfit for THREE DAYS in a row!!!!! I now intensely dislike that grey cardigan! The next time I went away, I hung the clothes in the car the night before. No way was I forgetting my clothes again!!

Speaking of clothes, Kristy has a new t-shirt that she loves and wears all the time, and how much did I laugh when we saw an TV ad for Kath & Kim, and Kim was wearing the exact t-shirt!!! It could have been worse I suppose, at least she wasn’t wearing the same outfit as Kath.

My puzzles are still happening, but no recent prizes. K and I are hoping to win a campervan (it was in the latest That’s Life magazine – cross all your fingers and toes for us!). K likes to help me do the crosswords, and a few weeks ago, she was doing a crossword and she asked me to help her with a very hard clue, which she read out to me while I was doing the dishes. The question was, “What is a spiky dessert plant?” I’m pretty good at crosswords, especially the ones in That’s Life, but I was really stumped with that one – a spiky dessert plant? Was it something super exotic? Was it served with icecream? I then went over to K and looked at the clue and saw that it actually asked “What is a spiky DESERT plant?” Hmmmm, KRISTY!!!!!

I got to sleep-in today, which was great because last Saturday was a rude awakening by Kristy. I woke up with her standing over me, telling me that we had a serious problem. Worried, I woke up quickly, and told her to calm down and tell me what was happening. She said that she had just done a gigantic poop in the toilet and that it wouldn’t flush away because it was too heavy! Yes, Kristy gave a whole new meaning to the phrase, “shit a brick”. But, once I stopped laughing, I realised we did have a problem, because I didn’t want a big poop living in my toilet, and I was starting to need to go to the loo, and there was no way that I was going to the toilet to do my business over her business. So I suggested that she put bleach in the toilet, thinking that it might soften and break up the poop. But no, that didn’t work. After half an hour of constant flushing and no movement from that stubborn poop, I said she was going to have to get a stick and poke that poop until it broke into bits. Kristy, with her head hanging in shame, proceeded to do just that. And it worked. The poop was gone. YAY!!! Poop success!!!! By the way, we thought this might be a one off incident; however Kristy did it again – but luckily I was away on a business trip, and K also knew straight away what to do this time. She just went immediately for a garden stick and poked that sucker until it could be flushed. If you are wondering what she is eating to create these heavy poops, let me tell you that she is on Lite & Easy. Ummm, there seems to be nothing LITE coming out the other end, that’s for sure.

Continuing on with bum humour, last night I was sitting in the lounge and I was looking out across the balcony and seeing the fireworks going off. It was beautiful, and I was feeling all lovely and zen-like as I watched the night sky being lit up with colours. Kristy was at the kitchen table and she couldn’t see the fireworks, but she could hear them, however she didn’t know that they were fireworks because she said to me, “Are you farting?” I couldn’t believe it! It is rare that she ever hears me pass wind, let alone that I pass wind in front of her that sounds like a pyrotechnic display!!!! Multiple farts are just not my style. Thanks for ruining my zen-like mood babe!!!

Oh, and good news! Kristy’s Mum and Dad are coming to visit us here in Perth – for Christmas! Kristy is so very excited – she has already purchased the Christmas decorations, booked the trips (and accomodation) to Margaret River and Jurien bay and purchased Anita’s alcohol for her visit (don't worry Mark, we will definately not forget you - beer is being purchased next weekend for you).

Kristy and I did a touristy thing in Perth recently – we hired a quad bike and cycled up and down the Swan River in Perth city. It was fun, and we were thrilled when we saw dolphins swimming in the Swan river – so close to the city!!!! Kristy tried to take photos, but those dolphins were not hitting the surface long enough for her to take a picture!

In brief: The KD Lang concert is not far away and I just can’t wait! My work is still out of control busy (is that because I am travelling all over the countryside instead of sitting at my desk doing my work?). My mum is moving out of the Retirement Village. I sold my car (am sad, had it for years). I got a speeding fine - $150 for going 55 kms in a 40 km zone (Damn! It was 6.00am, and no cars about, except mine and a police car). Kristy is addicted to ANOTHER game on her iPhone (I think her phone is super-glued to her hand because she is rarely without it). Karen is a dodo (she told me so I know it’s true). Alex is nearly one year old – Happy Birthday little man. Elle is talking a lot more, and can now unlock the front door at home – Oh No!!! Mel, thank you for all the support in regards to my illness. I made a cauliflower, ham and parmesan soup last week and it was beyond delicious. I’m almost caught up on all my assignments for the Diploma of Business. Kristy is getting skinnier (prob all her chubbiness is coming out in the poops that she does). Megan – have you dumped the bum? Rahni and Alisa, the Abode gals! Tony, Skype is coming soon. Mick and Sarah – sending you hugs.

WICKED - it was great!!!!

Since the last blog, Kristy and I have been to Melbourne and back again. It was so lovely to see everyone, however the trip, as usual, was busy and packed in with all we had to do. There were many people that we didn’t get to spend time with (again!) but I have told Kristy that next time, we will have to make time to see those people who we care about and who care about us. Sometimes K and I find ourselves doing so many things that “should” do (e.g. doctors, tax, etc) rather than doing things that we want to do. A big thank you to all those people who did make the effort to come and see us when we were in melbourne, and who fitted in with our busy schedule, and who understood when we couldn’t see you a second time.

I loooooved spending time with Elle, my granddaughter. She is the most beautiful little girl, and growing up so fast. She is now talking a lot, but when we were visiting in early August, she didn’t like 2-syllable words, so she would shorten them. So, instead of calling me Grandma, she just called me Ma, and she called Kristy “Bay” (short for Baeffy). The table was “Tabe”, a biscuit is a “bik” and a butterfly is a “Butt”. Kristy really, really, REALLY wanted us to buy Elle her first bike, and Mel and Mick agreed that we could. Elle loved it. The bike came in a box and Kristy and Mick put it together, with Elle’s help of course (she was wielding a tool and hitting parts of the bike!). Elle wasn’t able to push the pedals yet (still working that bit out) but she loved to sit on the bike and be pushed around.

Mel and Mick are now living in Albury, NSW. Their house is quite nice, and they have an avocado tree out the back (yum!!). Unfortunately, the avocado tree hangs over the carport tin roof, so when an avocado falls and hits the tin roof, it sounds like an almighty explosion. We had to almost change our underwear a few times because of the fright we got!

Mel was laying in bed the other day in her new place. It was early in the morning and she was watching the sunrise through the palm tree that is outside her bedroom window. She was waking up to the day, and feeling all peaceful as she looked at the beautiful view, when... a big black bird SLAMMED into her bedroom window. Aside from the noise taking away her zen-type feeling, she also has a bird phobia, so poor Mel was very shaken (sometimes she thinks the birds taunt her – paranoia or reality?).

Getting to Melbourne was a bit of an experience. Kristy, doing the wise (and super organised) thing, booked our tickets for the trip well in advance. At the time she booked, Mel lived in Adelaide, so we were flying from Perth to Adelaide (via Jetstar), staying a few days in Adelaide, then flying Adelaide to Melbourne (via Tiger). We were coming home with Qantas. So, a month before were due to leave, two things happen – Mel moves to Albury and Tiger Airlines are shut down. Obviously, we had to change our flights. Tiger Airlines agreed to a refund, but we had to make other flight arrangements with another airline, which, by this time, there were no cheap fares! Jetstar were really accommodating and were open to changing our flight from Adelaide to Melbourne to leave earlier (because what were we gonna do in Adelaide for a few days if Mel wasn’t there??) and after waiting an hour on the phone to talk to a person, they said that they would happily change the date of the flight... for a small fee of $800.00. Hmmmm, let me think about that... ahhhh... NO! So, to cut a long (and boring) story short --- we flew from Perth to Adelaide, stayed one night (actually only a few hours) at the Adelaide Airport Motel and flew to Melbourne early (too early – I’m not a morning person) the next day. Our low-cost, arranged-a billion-years-in-advance flight from Perth to Melbourne, turned into a very expensive exercise indeed.

Coming back to Perth was interesting too. We arrived at Melbourne airport in plenty of time before the flight (thank you so much to my mumma for always picking us up and taking us to the airport) and then we are told it is being delayed for an hour, because they are waiting on a part to arrive from Sydney (was it missing a phalange? Sorry – but if you watched Friends then you would understand that joke). So after waiting close to two hours (and eating Krispy Cremes donuts, because you gotta do something while you’re bored hey), we finally get on the plane, weary and a little fatter. The plane is totally full. We are placed up the back. It is the first time that I have been seated in the last seats. We were waiting, waiting, waiting, but the plane wasn’t leaving. Then... the announcement comes over that the plane cannot depart because aircraft stairs (that we all use to get on and off the plane) cannot be detached from the plane! Seriously!!!! Are you kidding me!!?? The announcement continued to say that they were contacting the suppliers of the aircraft stairs to see if they can help! Astounding! I assume that they eventually detached the stairs, as we did take off about 45 minutes later (and I seriously doubt that the stairs were still hanging on the side of the plane). I thought, “Phew” and then... turbulence – the worse turbulence I have ever experienced. Even the air stewards were saying it was quite bad! I was so sick I went green (probably the donuts that were eaten earlier did not help). Kristy kept telling me I looked really sick, which thank you – very validating, however not very helpful!. I just hunched over and focused on not puking. Eventually we arrived back in Perth, were we got on a bus to take us home. It was lovely to be back in our little apartment, so clean, so neat, so peaceful.

My birthday was on the 19th August. Yay! Although I usually have a bit of a hard time on my birthday, (not sure why, but there is often tears) this year was a lot better (the tears came a week later!).

So many people went to so much effort this birthday for me, that it was actually really lovely. Mum, Mel, Elle, Logan and Anita and Mark gave me lovely gifts when I was in Melbourne, and wonderful friends and family sent cards and gifts to Perth, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your thoughtfulness.

Mel, thank you for ensuring you sent me the “Happy Birthday” message in as many ways as you could. Mel said Happy Birthday to me when she rang me, and then she sent a “Happy Birthday” text from her personal mobile phone, and from her work mobile phone, and on Facebook, and with some flowers that she had delivered, and by transferring money to my account, she put in the subject line, “Happy Birthday”. She also sent “Happy Birthday to Kristy’s phone to show me!!! Mel – you are funny!!

Kristy made sure I had the best day EVER! A lovely breakfast, then prawns for lunch (they were massive, think they had been bred near a nuclear power plant) and Thai for dinner. She spoilt me with gifts! This is what she gave me: New sunnies (they are dark and mysterious and I look like a gangster), face-cream (Elemis), three seasons of Highway to Heaven (I requested this because there is nothing like those old Seventies shows), Bonds undies (because Kristy is addicted to buying Bonds undies), and a couple of books. Oh yes, see what I mean... spoilt!!! AND she paid for me to have a massage and a psychic reading (Kristy calls it a psycho reading). I am LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY to have the bestest girlfriend in the world.

Also, in terms of my birthday, it is worth sharing this facebook message from my friend Agnieszka:

On the 16th August, Agnieszka from Yulara sent me the following message:

“... I don’t know how this happened, and I apologise... For some reason I had stuck in my head that your birthday was on the 29th... What a mistake!! I only realised this 5 seconds ago! I’m sorry... I hope you had a lovely birthday and I wish you beautiful and happy future – safe roads and plenty of stories to write in your blog. And I’ll see you one day.”

Three hours later, Agnieszka sent this:

“Ok... this is going to be a bit confusing... I think I am living in a time capsule... Your birthday hasn’t happened yet! It’s only the 16th – I thought it was long after that... Please delete both messages and I’ll write again in a few days.”

Oh, Agnieszka – you make me laugh, especially as my birthday was the 19th of August, not the 16th or the 29th! But the sentiment and your wishes for me were lovely, even if you had the date totally wrong (and thankyou for the card too)

Darren came to visit us! We love it when people make the effort to come and see us, though we do understand that it is a long way to come. We went to see the musical Wicked with him – LOVED IT! K and I don’t usually spend money on things like that, but I am so glad that we did – the show was amazing! Darren has seen it 10 times! And in three different states! We also went on the Freemantle Prison Ghost Tour with Darren, and that was really good too (they had people jump out and scared the group - kristy got scared EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!! I mean, after the first time, you kind of expect it!). Visitors are great because they encourage K and I to get touristy again. Hugs Darren – will call you soon, and PS hope you are loving the iPhone. xx

Speaking of things to do, K.D. Lang is coming to W.A. and is performing at an outdoor winery! She is a living legend – we just purchased tickets to see her ont he 5th November! I have always wanted to see her, and now it is happening – tooooo exciting!!!!!

Poor Kristy had a cooking disaster the other day. She was boiling corn (underneath the steamed vegies), but unfortunately she forgot to put water in the pot, and next thing we knew, we heard a sound like popcorn popping (which was exactly what was happening!). The bottom of the pot was black, and much of the corn was popped. Kristy grabbed the pot and put in on the wooden breadboard, but of course it was boiling hot and the wooden breadboard started smoking with the makings of a fire (it survived, however it has left a very big burnt black circle on that breadboard). Anyway, we ate the dinner (sans corn), with (smoked) vegetables, and a roast lamb. I thought the roast lamb tasted kind of funny, but I didn’t want to say anything because Kristy was still annoyed with herself about the corn and the pot. After we had eaten the meal, I started to cut up the left over lamb, to put in the fridge, and that’s when I realised we had been eating roast turkey! No wonder I thought it tasted strange for lamb!

Kristy is now on a diet. She has just purchased Lite & Easy, which is silly because she is quite skinny now anyway! However, I am supportive because it is what she wants to do. I suppose it’s better than what she was doing last week – when she ate so many carrots every day (1/2 a bag at least each day) that her face started to have an orange tinge – I kid you not! I always know when she eats too many carrots because her face goes the colour of a bad fake tan. The night before she went on Lite & Easy, K had a binge which consisted of the following after dinner snacks--- 1. big bowl of strawberries with vanilla dusting, 2. a mint patty, 3. a chocolate pudding, 4. Ice-cream, chocolate topping and nuts. Then she felt sick. I wonder why.

Just so everyone knows, I have a man crush on Paige Elliot Phoenix, from the X-Factor. And I know I am not alone. How good is his voice!!!!!?????? I just melt when he sings. Big sigh.

Hard rubbish is happening again on our side of town. We went out looking for treasure amongst the trash. Kristy drives and I get out and look over the piles of stuff on the sidewalk (why does she get the easy jobs?). Well, I forgot my gloves, so wore socks on my hands (I’m not touching that stuff with my bare hands, yet I take some of it home, I know – ironic). We didn’t really find anything of value, except some pots for plants. And we have now used those pots for our new babies. Yes, we have babies! Three tomatoes plants, a capsicum plant, spinach and parsley. They are living on our balcony, under the protection of our three closest trees - Milo, Josephine and Berry (Kristy named ‘Berry’).

We have also visited the (apparently) best burger place in Perth – Alfred’s Kitchen, and I must say, its reputation was correct, as those burgers were YUM. Kristy got the Cram Burger, which is so big that you cannot put your mouth around it. I chose the chilli Burger, which was quickly followed by a burning ring of fire as it exited my body four hours later. Alfred’s Kitchen is an outdoor burger place, and as it was on dusk when we got there, the mozzies were coming out. Well, for Kristy’s reaction, you would have thought that these mosquitoes had razor sharp teeth and machine guns. She was TERRIFIED of them coming near her! And as we were outside, waiting for our burger to be made, with a 100 other people (Alfred’s Kitchen is very popular), it was quite funny to see K jumping up and down, jiggling, pacing, dropping her phone and slapping herself.

Recently, I have had a touch of the “Kristys”, and said a few things that made other people look at me quite strangely. Like, I was sitting with a group of colleagues in the lunchroom at work, and we were all talking about where we were brought up. Our receptionist, Hannah (from the muffin story) said that she was from Denmark. Now Hannah looks as Aussie as Aussie, and she has no accent at all (other than an Aussie accent), so I said to her, “Gee, you don’t look like you come from Denmark at all!” and she said, “What is a person from Denmark suppose to look like?” I told her that I thought that she would at least have a Danish accent or something. That’s when someone pointed out that Hannah was referring to Denmark in W.A., not Denmark the country. Honestly... they were all laughing, but as I am not from W.A. how was I to know there is a Denmark here?

Oh yes, and when we were in Melbourne, my Mumma got a few things “mixed up” – so she had a touch of the Kristy’s too! Two things that Mumma said - “That is nothing to cheese at” and “There’s no bones on you” Hmmm, I really do hope that I have bones because I need something to hold my skin up!

On a sad note, quite devastating actually, three good women have recently died. My Mum’s neighbour Lois died. She was so lovely, and it hit us hard because we had just been sitting in her house chatting with her two days before she died. Then Dori died. Dori and I were in the circus together and she was a wonderful woman. It is always so sad to lose one of the circus clan, because we all worked quite closely together. And Mandy’s sister, Leanne died. And that was awful awful awful, because she was too young and too good to die, and it was so wrong, and she did so many great and wonderful things for people. The world has lost a saint. Rest In Peace.

I have also been unwell, but hopefully it will be sorted out in the near future as the hospital are now making an appointment for me to see a gyno. I won’t go into it here, but am happy enough to chat about it if you want to call to find out more.

Also, sending many well wishes to Kristy’s Nan. She is 91 and is recovering from a recent operation – she is an amazing and beautiful woman – we love her.

Okay, just the QuickBits, because this blogg is already too long.....

Sharon – thank god for the guilty verdict, hang in there darling. Jake – hope the runny nose eases up. Meg, I think you need to throw the leg. Mel – the birds are not following you. Logan – loved the photo’s. Peter & Trisse – good luck with the packing, (Peter, I know you luv it haha). Vik, take care with the hip. Dustey – remember the innocence. Karen – ahhh, drunken phone calls with my sista from another mother. Fee & Caroline - honeymooners! Andy – thinking of you. Sarah Allen - so sorry to hear about your cousin, take care sweetie. Darren – are you missing the Perth Sauna’s? Rahni & Alisa – thank you for the Get Well card. Agnieszka – I looked it all up on the internet and you were right!!!! Lisa & Casey – the cute talk drives me crazy! Rondellicious – hurray you are now on Words With Friends! Suz & Theo – have you booked to come over yet? Gen – big Happy Birthday! Tony and Holly – hugs sent to you across many oceans. Laura Amos – just to say hi cos you won’t be expecting it, LOL. AND... I (Kristy wants me to write "we")have won 2 more prizes on my competitions, $200 cash and a family ticket to see the Smurf movie.

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live” – Dumbledor from Harry Potter.

Still doing the Perth thing.

Here we are, still in Perth, and doing our best to pretend we are west coast natives.

The latest news is that Ms Kristy Ann Baeffel has broken 3 fingers on 2 hands! Football injury of course! Going for the mark that she didn’t get, she busted up her hand! Kristy ran off the field, where the nurse promptly re-located the ‘dislocated’ finger- not realising that it was actually broken. Ummmm.... OUCH!!!!!! We had Gen and Trent coming for dinner that night, and at this stage we thought only one finger was broken, so we didn’t go to the hospital (actually, we didn’t want to miss our feast with Gen and Trent), anyway, Kristy sucked up the pain and enjoyed telling the story of her dislocation. The next day, I took 4 hours off work and took Kristy to the hospital, where we were told she had broken the three fingers. At this point we were like “ohhhhhhhh” and “Ahhhhhhhh” and “shiiiiiitttttttt”. It wasn’t until Kristy tried to go to work, where they quickly called her a “liability” and told her not to come in until full doctor clearance. Full doctor clearance is in 4 weeks, so that is 4 weeks off work, with NO sick pay! That is FOUR weeks of NO pay! Then we were saying “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” and “ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG” and we moved up from “Shiiiiiittttttt” to the F Bomb! (I even think Kristy said the C word!!!!!!!).

So for the past week, Kristy has been the housewife, while I go to work and earn the money to keep her in the lifestyle to which she is rapidly becoming accustomed. Note – she LOATHES doing the housework, and she is actually not that good at it (sorry babe, but you know it is true). Having said that Kristy is not that good at housework, I need to also let you know that I am a wee bit too anal about it. You can imagine that this NEVER causes us to argue, because I NEVER get grumpy that she is slack in doing the housework, and she NEVER gets grumpy at me because I’m too picky! Both of us know that Kristy is way more suited to being the husband than the wife. However, while she dislikes the whole housework side of things, she sure does seem enthusiastic about sleeping in until midday! And she doesn’t mind watching all those DVDs in the middle of the day, or chatting on the phone for hours, or going for a jog, or eating lamingtons from the pantry whenever she feels the urge. Hmmmpfff, broken fingers a liability? Can someone snap a few of my digits please.

Kristy, the weekend before she busted her phalanges, arranged a pamper night for me. Is she not the BESTEST gf in the world??!! She got a really good discount through a group called Scoupons – it consisted of a body scrub, a hot stone massage and a body wrap, all for the unbelievable price of $70! I was so very impressed with this deal! So on the Saturday night, Kristy drove me to the address. I was excited! I really did need the pampering!

The place was just a little unit in the middle of suburbia, which I found odd, because I really thought, given what was on offer, that I would be at a Day Spa. However, I was not to be put off, especially given that I operate my massage business from a home studio. I step in the door and this woman has converted her lounge, kitchen and bathroom to a treatment area. Please note that I am using the words “converted” and “treatment” loosely. Let me describe the therapist (another word I am using loosely). She was a size 6, she wore socks with thongs, she had on a white (dirty) see through top and a black bra. She did not look very professional at all. In addition, she told me that she had x-ray vision, she was psychic and she proudly stated that everything she had learned about massage and beauty treatments, she had learned from the internet. Although she was a really nice person, I did have some doubts regarding her qualifications, experience and credibility. But she was nice. And it was cheap. So I stayed (Kristy had already driven away, what else could I do??).

I started off the pampering package with the body wrap. The therapist was cooking the bandages on her stove and she brought them into the bathroom. I stood naked (except for my knickers) in her shower recess. I noticed that the toilet seat was up, that someone had peed, and that she hadn’t flushed the toilet! Yes, it is always professional – that sweet smell of urine! The woman then started wrapping me in the hot bandages, from my knees to my boobs. I swear that she touched my vagina and nipples so many times when she was wrapping the bandages that I think we need to get married! Anyway, (while I wipe that memory from my mind), the bandages were interesting, and when I asked what she had soaked them in, she said cayenne pepper was a main ingredient. She said that she had never actually tried this treatment on herself, but she was sure it would be okay. I then went and sat in the lounge, where she proceeded to massage another client, who had arrived the same time as me (yes, we were both in the same room). I sat on her plastic covered lounge chair, and started to text some friends, telling them of my ordeal. I also texted Kristy, telling her not to be late in picking me up, because it was all a little strange, and I was slightly fearful of what was yet to happen. The bandages proceeded to cool down quickly, and cold, soggy bandages don’t feel good! Ironically, the cayenne pepper meant that, while my skin felt soggy and cold, it also felt like it was burning off! At one stage I had to stand up and pace because the pain was so bad. I told her that maybe it was time for the bandages to come off, but she said, “No, leave it for another 5 minutes.” Bloody hell!

Eventually the bandages from hell were removed, and I thought, “Well, at least she can’t stuff up the hot stone massage” (wishful thinking). I have given a number of hot stone massages (when working at Ayers Rock Resort) so I know that they are BEAUTIFUL! Anyway, this lady had a different way of giving me a hot stone massage. She did not actually hold the stones in her hand and massage me. Basically, she laid me face up on a massage table, took a lot of hot stones out of a fry pan and piled them all on my stomach in a heap. I breathed too deeply at one stage and a couple of stones smashed to the ground. Yes, very relaxing – the sound of shattering stones should be made into a CD to help promote sleep (please tell me you recognised the sarcasm).

After she had body wrapped the other client (and I felt her pain!), she then came back to me and body scrubbed me – with her own special formula, and then, when I was least expecting it, she slapped a face mask on me. Now, for those who know me well, you know I would not have liked this! I am VERY careful about what I put on my face, and I spend a lot of money on the right products. So suddenly, I have this mask on my face, and I ask her, “What is the mask made of and what does it do?” She tells me it is made of coffee and sugar (coffee! I don’t even drink it, let alone put it on my skin!) and she tells me it is not only a mask, but it is also a cleanser, a scrub, a toner and moisturizer. Interesting that the coffee can do all that (just to be clear – yes it was Nescafe). I don’t think she liked me asking questions, because she then put a cold, wet face washer over my face, while she continued to scrub me. I felt like I was suffocating! Every time I breathed in, the face washer sucked into my nostrils!

Eventually she wiped the mask off, and wiped off the body scrub, and the massage began. The other client had left by the this stage (on the inside I was screaming, “Noooo, don’t leave me!”). I knew time was marching on, and the Kristy would be here soon to get me (Hurry up KB!), however for some mad, crazy reason, Kristy arrived and sat outside in the car waiting for me.... even though I had text earlier (when I was body wrapped in Cayenne Pepper) and told her to come in when she arrived. Kristy tells me she was outside texting with Rahni and Alisa! Rahni told her to commando roll to the door and kick it in. What did Kristy eventually do? After half an hour of sitting in the car, she quietly and tentatively knocks on the door. Where was the knight in shining armour?? Anyway, I didn’t care, because once she arrived, I was able to be released. I got dressed, flushed the toilet (it should have been done 2 hours before!) and got the hell outa there! Kristy had cooked for me a yummy roast chicken after my ‘pampering’ but unfortunately, she had accidently left the oven on, so by the time we got home and got it all out of the oven, we ate black roast potatoes and a VERY crispy chicken (and did you know that carrots can shrink to a quarter of their size if they are over-roasted!).

While I did not get the pampering night that Kristy had hoped I would get, i got something better – a night I will never, ever forget and will continue to laugh about for many years to come. But hell no, I’m not going back! It would not be funny a second time!!!! And just a warning to you all – beware of Scoupons, and of people who wear socks and thongs together.

It has been very wild and woolly here in Perth. Lots of trees and bits of trees have blown down. We have two main trees near our balcony. Their names are Josephine and Milo (Milo is the skinnier tree). I hope they remain in tact tonight. I’m worried about Milo!

On a really sad note, Kristy’s pet dog, Zoey, passed away. Little Puggie Pug! I feel so sad for Kristy, Anita and Mark. Zoey was very much loved and so very, very cute. She will be missed. Thank you Sarah for sending the photo, it is up on our bookcase and Kristy looks at it every day.

Kristy misses her pets, and though it is not the same, we still have our half pet Snowy the cat (remember – she is not even snow like) and Snowy comes in and out like she owns our place. She is even getting fussy about what she eats! And we have another pet called Sampson! Sampson is very spoilt and even gets to sleep in our room, but he is quiet, so it is okay. I did not think Kristy would be able to handle Sampson being so close, but surprisingly she seems okay with him. Sampson is the Daddy-Long-Legs who lives in the corner near the ceiling.

Oh, funny thing happened at work the other day. Hannah is our receptionist, and she really helps me out with odd jobs, like photocopying and stuff. I always try to give her little treats when I can. Anyway, there were some left over muffins from a catered meeting, so I took one of the muffins and put it on her desk for her. She was talking to someone at reception when I took the muffin down, so I kinda hid it to the side, so the guest wouldn’t see it. I went back upstairs and emailed Hannah, and said “The muffin is for you.” This all makes perfect sense – yes? Well, yes it does IF SHE HAD SEEN THE MUFFIN! Imagine getting a random email from me saying “The muffin is for you”. You could make that have so many meanings!!!! So Hannah hadn’t seen the muffin, and she gets the email from me, and she doesn’t know what it means or what she should do! Later I go downstairs, see she hasn’t eaten the muffin, and I say to her, “Are you saving it?” She looks at me with a combination of confusion and suspicion (looking back, I do not blame her!). She understand nothing because all she has heard from me is “The muffin is for you” and “Are you saving it?” At this point, luckily, I point to the muffin, and then her face clears, and it all makes sense to her! Next time the muffin will be put in full view, even if there is a guest. Isn’t that a funny little muffin story!

One more funny story... about Kristy of course. You know how she gets sayings and mottos mixed up, well the other day she was talking to a work colleague. They said to her that she had a very grounded personality, and Kristy said, “Yes, and I am also very fun and loving.” They said, “Oh you mean fun loving?” and Kristy (because she honestly didn’t know that the wording actually is “fun loving”) said, “Oh no, I am fun AND LOVING!” Hmmmm, if someone said to me that they were fun AND LOVING, I would think that they were about to ask me out on a date!

We have visitors coming! We love it when people come to see us! Soon Darren will be here, and then Suzie and Theo. And Andy is coming to live up here – in the same suburb as us!!! YAY!!

I need to stop writing now. To summarize the rest of it – we continue to live happily (mostly) in our own Seinfeld episode, my back is very sore, my work is busy, Kristy is bored, we have 100 km winds, Kristy has lost 9 kilos (damn her! I am still the fatty!), I listened to Counting Crows the other day and still luv them, we are coming to Melbourne next week, Mel and Elle are well, Logan has moved to Melbourne, I was glad to speak to Deb Lewis – hugs, it’s almost my birthday, we are looking forward to seeing Kristy’s Nan, Mick and Sarah now have a talking bird (Darla) and Kristy and I are planning the next leg of our adventure (not sure when, but we know where – Broome then Darwin!!). Big hugs to Mandy and Sue - thinking of you gorgeous women. Xx

I will sign off with Kristy’s word of the month – TOUCHE! (I’m not kidding, this really is her favourite word at the moment!).

Still In Perth and going strong

Its been 3 months since I last wrote the blog, and Kristy and I are now well and truly settled in Perth. Kristy and I still love our apartment, the view from the balcony, and that we live close to everything we need. Interestingly, we are 3 minutes walk (if that) to the supermarket, but still Kristy wants to drive!

Speaking of driving, we have another car! Well, I have another car – it is a brand new Mitsubishi ASX, 4-wheel drive. No, no, I have not purchased a brand new car (as if!!! I don’t believe in buying brand new cars – they lose 25% of value as soon as you drive them out of the dealership!). So I hear you all asking, “So why does Linda have a brand new car if she is so against a brand new car?” Well, the answer is simple, I have a job that comes with a brand new car! Yay! And I have to say, this gorgeous silver car is a dream to drive compared to the Van! I love the van, but it sure is good to drive a zippy car that has heating and airconditioning. And... when I take the keys out of the ignition, the car says “See You!” to me (such a friendly!).

My new job is working for Baptistcare, in their HR area, within Learning & Development (of course, because that is what I do!). I have been at Baptistcare for about 6 weeks now, and I have to say that I have not ever worked for an organisation that is so lovely! Baptistcare is very committed to its Values and mission, and that really comes through in its culture. I have worked for, and with, some amazing people (e.g. Cathy, Suzie, Victoria, Peter, Robyn, Marie, Virginia, Quynh, Donna, Agnieszka, Kerrie, Karen, Erin, etc) but never have I worked for a place where EVERYONE wants to be helpful, sharing and works to make it easier and better for everyone. Also, Baptistcare are fully focused on the clients and residents, and everything they do, and every meeting they have, is about making the services better for the elderly, physically disabled and mentally disabled. I am loving the work that I am doing, however it is super busy at the moment and I find myself working 10 hours a day at times. I am currently in the process of recruiting a Training Officer so that I do not have to work these sort of hours forever. I even went into work today, Saturday! Well, aside from that there is a lot to do, I need the money, so all good. Kristy also went into work today. She did 45 minutes work to be paid a minimum of 4 hours!

On top of the work i am doing for Baptistcare, i am also running my part-time massage/beauty business in the evenings and on the weekends, and that business is really starting to take off! In fact, I am working all this Sunday doing massage. Ahhh, no rest for the wicked (thank God, cos it’s waaaaay more fun to be wicked than it is being good!)!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, aside from Baptistcare being the truly nicest organisation in the world, they are also VERY respectable (uh oh). Some business meetings even start with a prayer – which I quite like, even though it is new to me (I like anything with a bit of ritual, pomp or ceremony!). And because we are a Baptist organisation, there is no gambling, drinking or swearing in the office. So, that means no alcoholic drinks on a Friday afternoon, no footy tipping (and they love their footy over here!) and people say “Oh Gosh!” instead of swearing. Although I am sure I have heard the occasion cuss word accidently slip out quietly under someone’s breath (scandalous!) and I maybe have, (just MAYBE I have), had a Terests moment, and dropped the F bomb (opps), but I am sure I had legal reason for doing so (actually I know exactly the reason – damn f@#*ing Excel formulas!). On a side note, I have yet to show my tattoo (haven’t seen one other person there with a tattoo!) and I have come out as gay only to my boss (the timing just hasn’t been right with the others yet – or maybe I am just scared – but scared of what??? Seriously, they are just Baptists, not murderers!)

Kristy is very tired these days, she is working long hours, but still enjoying her job. She likes it best when she drives out to Garden Island – which is an island where the HMAS Stirling is – that is a big naval ship. Garden Island is a navy island – a whole island, just for them! She doesn’t like delivering to Shell much though, they take her phone off her when she goes in there – sorry Kristy, no “Words With Friends” (game she plays on her iPhone) when you are in Shell! To be fair, who doesn’t love that game – “Words With Friends” – very addictive (Sarah, you would have to agree!) And I’m so competitive, I do NOT like losing (yes, Rahni and Alisa – prepare to never win again when you play against me!). If anyone out there wants to have a go with me, then add me – I am Lindaw333. Peter, if you are reading this – do not use cheats anymore – it’s just not sporting!!

I see in the last blog that I mentioned that Kristy and I were going to Rottnest Island. Yes, well, we went. It was average. It was too cold for snorkelling, so essentially, the Island Adventure was a little drab. Apparently the beauty of Rottnest is under the water, not above it, so we missed it. Still, it was fun to take the ferry out there (was only fun cos I took my anti-nausea pills first!) After taking the only bus around the Island – which was very crowded because it was cheapass Tuesday, we then sat on the grass and ate Easter eggs (mmmmmm).

We did see some Quokkas while we were on the island, so action did occur for about 3 minutes! Quokkas are actually nocturnal animals, however they raced pretty quickly out of the bush when Kristy dropped her huge chicken roll on the ground! This was the very same roll that was a foot long and she was boasting that it would last her all day. Hmm, I think she had 3 bites of it before it hit the dirt – and she just stared at it in shock when it was on the ground, in pieces. Then the little furry quokkas came out and started eating it! I touched a quokka (which looks like a cross between a rat and a small wallaby) but Kristy went one better and picked one up! I have the proof in a photo of Kristy holding a quokka up under its armpits (and I think, in that photo, you can see the remains of that chicken roll on the ground – is probably under the big sign that says “Don’t feed the Quokkas”).

Kristy is now playing football for the East Freemantle Sharks, and what a team they are! Like the people at my work, these footy gals are very friendly (must be that Perth people are just mostly lovely!) Also, they are a good team – they are undefeated! And (fanfare please and drum roll in your own heads) Kristy has now played a 100 games of football! This is quite an achievement. And the East Freeo Sharks did a banner for her and everything (although it was a couple of games after her 100th game, cos we all actually didn’t realise that she was playing her 100th game when she played it!–ooops!). Kristy is the BEST player in the team, and that is saying something cos the whole team is good. I am probably bias though, and when I am watching the game, I am only really watching her. Funny though, Kristy can come home from football totally black and blue, with massive bruising and scraps, and not really complain about how she was thrown to the ground and stomped on in a footy match, yet...if I accidently bump her little finger at home, she becomes a major sook – what is that about??? Kristy says it is because, when she is on the field, she is in “the zone”. I say, “toughen up princess” and be in “the zone” when you are at home (I don’t really say that, but I want to!)

Omg, that reminds me, Kristy has said 2 really funny things lately (what would a blog be without a Kristy-ism or two, or more). Karen and Nardie had come to visit us (love you guys – come again!) and we were driving to Margaret River (Kristy and I would live there if we could) and we were all in the car, and talking about babies. Three of us have had children (Karen, Nardie and me), but Kristy has not had children yet. We were saying how it is easy to put on weight after having children. Kristy said, “Well, don’t you lose weight when you are milking the baby?” Yes, you read that right... instead of saying “breastfeeding” she said “milking”. God I love her!

Oh, and also, the other day, we were walking down the street, and I was saying how we should take advantage of a sale that was currently on. And Kristy said, “Yes, we don’t want to knock a gift horse in the mouth.” When you think about it, that sounds much better than “looking” a gift horse in the mouth, doesn’t it!? However, my favourite of her mispronounced mottos would have to be when she told me that, in her group, there were too many CHEFS and not enough Indians. Gold.

Jake came to visit us in Perth too – it was so lovely to see her. With Jake, we went to one of the two gay nightclubs in Perth – The Court. Only 2 gay nightclubs! I’m so used to Melbourne where we have choices! The Court is very popular here, but I have to say that it was filled with a lot of straight couples – weird! You just wouldn’t find that in Melbourne – a gay club filled mostly with straight people. However, the crowd was good and the music was dancie, so we had a fun time.

It is very interesting, and slightly disconcerting, sometimes living here in Perth. Every suburb sounds like it should be 2 hours away and down the coast, (eg Salter Point) and a lot of the time I don’t know what is close by, or “up South” or “down North” or in the “wheat-belt”. When people say to me, “Oh just go up the Kwinana Fwy” I have no idea what direction to go in! And instead of saying “OH&S” here, they say “OSH” (can’t tell you how long it took me to realise that they were talking about the same thing!). At work (like at any workplace) they use a lot of acronyms. For a while it was like another language, however now I actually know what someone is actually saying when they tell me to check the ACC OSH DVD for the BSO at DBC (I’m not kidding – this is a true conversation!)

Interestingly too, in my new workplace, I have been trained up In Cert II Manutention (which is a fancy French form of manual handling). I delivered a short session the other day on the Fundamentals of Manutention and backcare, and someone in the group assumed that I was a physiotherapist! I really did wing that one well! The Manutention course was fun – I would come home each night and practice on Kristy. I can now flip someone onto a bed before they know what is happening – and I can make someone sit down or stand up, even if they don’t want to, just by touching and flexing certain spots on their body! Perhaps these things will one day come in handy?? If not, is just a fun skill to have. I have also delivered sessions on Infection Control - I know the really proper way to wash hands now (this totally supports my germ phobia – yay!)

Oh, a funny (well, not funny, more like ‘slightly amusing’) story – in the Manutention course -- I was putting out the lunch (it was catered for) and as I lifted the party pies and mini quiches out of the hot cabinet, the bowl of tomato sauce dropped. Luckily (please inject a facetious tone) that bowl of sauce landed on my foot. While it did have the “ouch” factor, and I said, very loudly, “OH NO”, sauce on the foot is obviously not a life-threatening event. HOWEVER the others in the group did not see what dropped on my foot. All they heard me saying was OH NO and all they saw was all this red, thick stuff on my foot. They thought it was blood!

People rushed over.

I explained that it wasn’t blood.

People backed off (no-one wanted to clean the sauce off my foot – wonder why!)

People had to eat party pies without sauce that day.

People said to me that I was not to unpack the catering in the future!


Oh yes, and we now have a ½ pet. Well it is not ½ a pet (obviously, because that would be gross), but we spend some time with a pet that belongs to someone else. This is, of course, Kristy’s doing. Snowy (Kristy has even named this pet) the Cat now regularly comes to our place, crying (loudly) in misery to be fed. Kristy feels very sorry for Snowy so she feeds Snowy (mind you, Snowy has a home 2 doors down, and is quite a big, healthy looking cat). As we don’t ‘officially’ own a cat, we don’t have catfood. So lucky Snowy gets given salmon (mine), tuna (Kristys) and roast chicken. Please note: Snowy is not even ‘snowy’, not really even ‘snow like’. A better name would be Patches, but Snowy it has been christened by Kristy, and Snowy it now responds to. This pussy cat even comes into our apartment! Cheeky, naughty Snowy!

Kristy and I saw lots of animals at the Perth zoo the other weekend – we love the zoo! And at the Perth zoo, they have Guides that walk around and explain things about the animals to you, which is pretty interesting. Probably the information I remember the most was about the gigantic tortoise. The Guide told me that you will often see the tortoise rocking back and forth and making strange sounds – apparently that is the tortoise masturbating (rubbing itself on the ground!)! TMI!!!!!! Oh, oh, and if that wasn’t enough! We were watching the Orangutans and there was a couple in together. The big male Orangutan was sitting in a tree, and he started urinating. The crowd watching (us included) all started laughing UNTIL.... the female Orangutan walked underneath him and lifted her mouth to drink his urine! It was like watching a car accident – you didn’t want to look, but you couldn’t peel your eyes away! The crowd (all together, like we had timed it!) went from laughing to going “Eee---ooooo---uuuuk”

Until recently, I have always had pets, especially when my children were growing up – I thought it was important to have pets around children. When I was at Mel’s the last time, she said to me that she wasn’t going to get Elle a pet, because she had grown up without pets, and it hadn’t affected her negatively. I couldn’t believe that I had heard Mel say this! I refreshed Mel’s memory with the pets we had when she was growing up: The dogs that lived with us at various times were Sampson, Kelly, Rascal, Shaggy, Zuka, Austin. The cats that lived with us at various times were Annie, George, Elvis and Coco. There was Wilbur the Budgie (who lived almost forever) and even a rat called Monty. That is TWELVE pets that Mel had forgotten about! When I reminded her, she did remember, but isn’t it amazing that she had totally forgotten about TWELVE pets!!!

For those of you who don’t know – my granddaughter, Elle, turned TWO on the 25th July!!!! I can’t believe that she is two already. I wasn’t there for her actual birthday, but I had flow down to Adelaide a couple of weeks prior, just to fit in a quick visit before I started work. Elle is adorable. Her favourite word is No. You say to Elle, “Do you want to go to bed?” and she replies “Noooooooooo”. You ask Elle if she wants to come inside, and she says “Noooooooo”. You ask Elle if she wants a lollie, and she says “YES!”. Elle loves shoes and brings them over to you to be put on – she loves her gumboots the most! She also loves Dora the Explorer – but who doesn’t!? Once you have seen that Dora, you can’t help but love her – OLA (Dora is Spanish, hence the OLA)

Mel, Elle and Mick have now moved to Wodonga, they have left Adelaide. They are all very happy. It was time to go. Now Mel is near family and she is so much happier!

Oh, oh, oh, funny story about my friend Karen (and this story really is funny!). When she was in New Zealand, a woman asked her what she did for work. Karen told her that she does Salary Packaging. The woman paused for a moment, and asked Karen, “Do you pack any other types of vegetable?” The woman had thought Karen had said that she does CELERY packaging, instead of SALARY packaging. Toooooo funny!!!!!

Emotionally, I have been up and down over these last 3 months. Logan is very unsettled, and so I feel unsettled, and a little bit down (really down sometimes and even a little devastated). Sometimes I find it hard to sleep. My job is busy and stressful at times, which builds upon my anxiety, however I also enjoy the job, so it seems to balance itself out. I miss Melbourne and my family and my friends, but I do like being here in Perth too. Thank you to all my darling family and friends who call me regularly and make sure they stay connected with me – it would be very hard if I didn’t have your chats. Kristy and I spend a lot of time and energy ensuring that we choose and send our nearest and dearest presents, cards or messages on birthdays and special occasions, because being so far away, we want people to know that we remember them and value them, yet still at times I feel very distant from everyone and everything – that just comes with travelling I guess. Lucky I have Kristy, she makes every day a sunny day (awwwwwwwwwww – it’s soppy but true).

I still look forward to Magazine Day (Wednesday) which is when the That’s Life and Take 5 come out. I haven’t won anything for about a year now, so I hope that means a major prize is around the corner.

I feel older (which I don’t like) yet everyone at work cannot believe how old I actually am (which I do like!). I am back on Weight Watchers (which is both good and blah, blah blah at the same time), however Kristy has lost so much bloody weight so I am determined NOT to stay the big fat sausage in this relationship! When did I become the Ompa Lumpa???? How did this happen???? I was size 8 to 10 when I first met Kristy two years ago! THIS CHUBBY MADDNESS HAS GOT TO STOP!!!! So wish me luck on my diet of celery (remember that Karen is packaging it) and sauce (if it hasn’t landed on my foot).

Mandy – hugs and love to you and your family. Sharon – thanks for the late night convo’s. Jake – you inspire me (and make me laugh a lot!). Dustey – it all leads to somewhere. Mel – Wodonga! Woooo hoooo! Karen – go get ‘em. Suzie & Theo – see you soon! Jody – congrats on the new job. Jodi – the zen is where you wanna be. Genevieve – an Environmental Scientist, I’m very impressed! Sarah – love the tatt! Vik – glad you are back from the not-holiday. Rahni and Alisa – you better get the dictionary out! Anita and Mark – see you and the pups soon!!!! Karen G – are you working? Craig – how is the new ute? Elaine – we look forward to meeting Rolly. Deb & Kylie – how are the twins (still milking them?) Peter – let’s talk soon! Cathy and Victoria, thanks for being my referees. Darren – see you when you get to Perth - Woot!

As Kristy always says on FaceBook – That Is All.

Perth – Victoria Park to be exact!

So much has happened since I have last written the blog. Megan has gone back to Brisbane and has found herself a job – which reminds me, lol, Megan’s first day of work consisted of catching the wrong train, getting her car bogged and wearing jeans and a cardigan to work – she thought she would be issued with a uniform, but no - she was supposed to wear business attire. And then – after her first week, she put up a Facebook post, telling everyone how she had won an award called the ‘Einstine’ award. I wanted to point out the obvious – that she had spelt ‘Einstein’ incorrectly, but the irony made me laugh every time I thought about it, and I like laughing at irony (btw, yes, someone else did point out the correct spelling to Megan).

It was sad to see Megasaurus leave the camping site, but then Kristy and I decided to move on up in the world, and we traded in our tent for a Perth apartment, an apartment in Victoria Park to be precise. We love this place! It has a view of the city (how beautiful is Perth! Pretty and clean and Swan River Oh My!). Every Thursday is a fire work display that we watch from our balcony, and every night we watch the sun set to the left of the city – gorgeous gorgeous, gorgeous. LG!

It was an unfurnished apartment to begin with, and as we were both not working at the time, it was a challenge for us to furnish it for as cheap as possible. We managed to have the whole thing furnished for under $300.00! OMG, how stoked were we!!! For the furnishings, we have to thank hard rubbish (Perth people throw out really good stuff!), The Quokka (is like the Victorian Trading Post) which not only has VERY cheap things to purchase, but also has a number of free items, if you are willing to go and collect them – and we were! The apartment looks stunning and stylish and it is a pleasure to wake up in it every single morning.

Also, in addition to our luck with the cheap furnishings, when we rented the apartment, we were given a week’s free rent, on the proviso that we clean it ourselves. With my germ phobia I would have re-cleaned everything anyway, so it worked out perfectly!

So now we live under 5 kilometres from Perth city, 5 minutes drive to the Casino, and one minute walk to all the shops, cafes, supermarkets, etc that grace Albany Hwy shopping precinct, which in W.A. they pronounce it Elle-bany, (not All-bany like we do in Vic and NSW). Some people here have even asked if I am English – they think I have an accent!

Kristy has a job, back again working for Borders Express – same company that she worked for in Victoria. She is enjoying it, and likes being behind the wheel of a big truck again. But I’m not allowed to talk about the new dent in the front of the truck... ONLY JOKING! Of course she didn’t dent her truck in her first week (or did she?????) Ahhh, she is going to tell me off for writing all of that!

I have been for a number of interviews, and for a while there became a tad depressed about the lack of job offers. Many of the interviews seem destined to fail before I even got there! Here are 2 examples:

Example A: I printed up over a 100 pages of documents to provide examples of previous work I have done to present at interview. When I arrived at the interview, I realised that my water bottle had leaked in my briefcase and all the documents were wet. At interview I presented soggy documents, with the ink running and the pages stuck together. I did not get offered that job. Didn’t want it anyway (seemed very boring, with no work-life balance and the boss kept big-noting himself at interview), however would have liked to be offered it, just for the ego boost.

Example B: I had organised everything for the interview the night before, including example documents. I woke up early, showered, dressed, ate breaky – all in enough time. I got in the car with 20 minutes to spare (the job was a 5 minute drive away) but thought it would be good to get there early. The car wouldn’t start!!!!! After 5 minutes of trying to start the car, and wishing and praying, I raced back inside and rang the workplace, and explained what happened and that I would be walking to the interview, but that I would be a little late. I started walking (forgot my jacket, but, oh well, at least I remembered the documents). The sun was boiling hot, and soon I was sweating (great look to arrive at interview with underarm sweat stains), so I was half way to the interview (I love Google Maps!) and I was cursing God and the Universe for the heat, it then started to rain! Of course it did! It hadn’t rained in 3 months, Perth was bordering on drought conditions, and it rains when I am walking to an interview!!! So, I arrived at the interview, late, wet and again, with soggy documents. Should I be grateful that I didn’t have sweat soaked armpits? I haven’t heard back from this job, but I am not feeling hopeful.

NB: I have stopped taking documents to interviews.

Oh, and Kristy wants me to tell everyone that the car didn’t start because I was using the wrong key (we have one key that is a spare key – it doesn’t have a micro-chip in it, and that micro-chip is necessary to start the car). At the time I didn’t realise that I was using the wrong key – they all look the same.

Besides a few negative incidents on the job hunting front, there are currently two jobs that look extremely hopeful and I hope to be offered both of them. They are two very different workplaces and I am not sure which one I will take if I get offered them both. Cross your fingers and toes and all parts of your body for me (Karen says she will NOT cross her legs, but she will cross most other things for me) , as I REALLY need to work, I am getting bored out of my brain at home.

Oh, and I’m also running my massage and beauty therapy business on the side (on the die of what???). I have set up the spare room, and it looks beautiful and tranquil, with a massage table and perfume thingies and crystals. I already have a couple of great clients, however the first massage I did, it was for a guy and he was DISGUSTING! He was highly inappropriate, asking me to massage high on his inner thigh, and moving the towel to expose certain bits of himself. Ugggg. At the time I was highly traumatised, however I have since moved on and used the situation as a lesson to NEVER massage men in my home when I am home alone. Should I also put a weapon in the massage room? I considered a machete – thought it would send a strong message to any guys who wanted to be idiots – however thought that a machete might take away from the peaceful ambience of the room (just a little).

OMG, that reminds me of something that I did by accident! I have gotten a number of improper, unseemly and actually highly offensive calls/texts from guys re the massage business. For all of them, I am totally clear that the massage is NON sexual, and that NO I do not massage groin or inner thigh and that I don’t give any extra’s, etc. When the guys call me, I generally save their details in my phone, so if they ring again, I know who they are. So anyway, this one guy, who I thought was asking strange questions, and he wanted a massage at 11pm, I saved his details as “Late night Massage Guy – Very Suss”. Unfortunately, I had accidently put it in a text, instead of putting it in his contact details AND I SENT IT TO HIM!!!!! Ummmm, F#@%! Weirdly enough, a week later he texted me again, asking for a massage (it was 10.30pm!) I didn’t even reply to him. Weirdo.


Come to think of it, Perth men ARE strange. There was this time (at bandcamp?) when Kristy and I were going to dinner (Thai – yum) with Gen (remember Gen and Trent from previous blogs? Well they are living in Perth now, so we have caught up with them!). Anyway, as we were driving to dinner, Kristy and I are looking out the window and looking at the cars next to us when we see the car beside us, and the passenger (a guy of course) is stark naked, leaning back in his seat and bouncing his “bits” up and down. Oh yeah, that was a real treat. Kristy wanted to burn her own eyes out.


Tomorrow we are going to Rottnest Island – Yay! We are also going with friends when they come and visit, but Kristy and I wanted something fun to do over the Easter break, and as it is cheap fares out to Rottie on a Tuesday, we thought we would take advantage of it.

We have many visitors coming to see us while we are here – Karen & Nardie (who are continuing to stalk us from Melbourne, to Ayers Rock and now to Perth), Jake (veeeery exciting that she is coming), my daughter and granddaughter (CANNOT WAIT!) and Darren from the Rock (will be good to see him outside of Yulara). And Sarah and Mick have already been to see us, which was totally lovely and it was nice that family have now seen where we live.

Kristy and I have finished watching the first half of Season 2 of Glee, and so the Glee chapter of our lives has ended, at least until we get the second half of Season 2. Sometimes I still hear Kristy playing one of her Glee C.D.’s, but it is less and less these days (I guess she gets Glee out of her system when she is driving the truck. Hmmm, that could explain the dent).

I am so bored that I find myself watching Sabrina the Teenager witch, in between cleaning the apartment, making gourmet meals and job searching. DEAR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! Will someone PLEAAAASSSEEEE employ me before I start getting seriously interested in the plot of Charlie’s Angels (did Farrah ever wear a bra in that show???)

While I am still enjoying my Vodka, Ginger Ale and Lime, I also have strong yearnings for Malibu – not sure why, just loving the coconut taste. Kristy says that I am having so much of it that she is soon going to call me “Malibu Barbie”. I have been called worse things, so as nicknames go – I am happy!