Back in Melb for a short time only

Kristy Ann Baeffel had her 33rd birthday on the 9th Feb!!! Yay Kristy Baeffel!!!! Happy Birthday! Best wishes! Yay!! (She received LOTS of lotto tickets – and these are such a good present for her, cos she luvs to gamble every now and then, however, she is determined NOT to check them until the 15-2-11... I guess she likes to keep us all waiting, although I think she likes the thought that she is maybe a millionaire but she doesn’t know it yet!).

Kristy (now 33 years old) and I (age no longer to be stated in public forums) did the road trip from Ayers Rock to Adelaide. The Van, (God bless its little soul) made it to Mel’s place, with much fun times for all! It is interesting indeed, to have a van that refuses to move into reverse gear, and when it would go into 5th gear we would celebrate and pop champagne corks. I have to say, that while I did my share of the driving, Kristy did more than her share (which i guess means that I really didn’t do my share!). I found it very tricky and challenging (and not in a good way) to drive a van with no reverse gear, and with 5th gear being pretty much impossible for me (Kristy would put it into 5th for me from the passenger seat) AND I couldn’t really get 1st or 2nd gear, so I would start driving in THIRD gear – strangely enough it is possible (especially if on a slight hill) – and move to fourth, then Kristy would move it into 5th for me. Ahhh, the joys of a temperamental car. Just made it all the more fun for me, although... I did get a bit tired of pushing the van when we needed to reverse (bullbars get hot in Coober Pedy!!).

We were in Coober Pedy for only one night on the way back (only one night because we were in a hurry to get back – worried about the Van actually making it) and it was interesting, in a “wet” kind of way. We arrived and parked up and went into the motel. Kristy had seen that there were pokies in the lounge of this place we were staying at (see, further proof of her enjoyment of gambling!) so we got ourselves changed out of the road clothes, and into something better and stepped out the door of the motel. Kristy went first (fortunately for me) because suddenly, the guy on the balcony above our room, decided (for some unknown reason, other than that he is – oh yes - a wanker) to throw a bucket of water from the top of the balcony (we are determined to say it was water... please, make it have been water) and it landed square all over Kristy. I got the over-spray, but I was nowhere near as saturated as she was. So, after giving the wanker some dirty looks, we went back in our motel room, slamming the door very loudly and re-changed our clothes AGAIN! Now of course the bad looks we gave him, and the door slamming, really hurt his feelings and made him feel guilty, so naturally he came over and said sorry, and then he paid for our motel room and new clothes. Opps, I started dreaming... forgive me... for a moment there I went into a fantasy world where the wanker had a conscience. Nope. Reality is, he just laughed a lot and said to his mate, “Ha ha, bad timing!”

Still, we pulled ourselves together, got ourselves changed into fresh, dry clothes, and we went into those pokies, with our head held high... where we then proceeded to lose our money and eat a crap meal. So you see, clearly, our dignity was maintained all the way (please note the sarcasm). Yep,right up to the next morning when I pushed the van out of the car spot while Kristy steered it (I am ALWAYS the one pushing!!!!) we held our dignity. Sigh. Goodbye Coober Pedy.

Next stop was Port Augusta. There we ate chinese food (very good) and made ourselves home-made Midori Splice cocktails (we needed something strong after Coober Pedy). These cocktails consist of Midori, Malibu, pineapple juice, low fat cream, ice and lemonade. Just a tip – don’t include the lemonade in the shaker with the rest of the ingredients as it has a tendency to explode all over the person shaking the cocktail (that was me – it got me right in the eye!). Kristy loves these cocktails (I think she would marry a Midori Splice cocktail if she could!) and so she drank down 6 cocktails in succession. Do I here you asking, “Was she drunk?” There is a big Y.E.S in response to that question! Despite the intake of cocktails, we hit the road fairly early the next day (not as early as the first morning, which was 3.00am – I have told Kristy that NEVER AGAIN are we to awaken that early to get on the road. My God, sometimes I am not even getting to bed until 3.00am!!)

We did love being on the road again, driving through the (oddly) green desert, listening to music, chatting with each other, hitting wildlife, or sitting in silence (yes, for those who know Kristy, she did actually go silent for long stretches of time – shocking I know!!). Kristy and I ate steak sandwiches all the way across the desert, buying them at every petrol stop along the way. We also passed a Gnome Farm. I wish we had stopped to see it.

The drive was very hot, hot enough that it melted the green lizard that has been sitting on our dashboard since we got the van! Every time Kristy or I went to adjust the NavMan, our forearm would stick to the lizard and we would have to peel it off, leaving behind green residue on ourselves. We arrived in Adelaide with green arms and a sticky mess on the dashboard.

The Van limped into Adelaide, and we arrived at Mel’s, and that little Elle (my granddaughter) recognised us both – Woot Woot (I was so worried she had forgotten us!). She is still the most stunning child ever – she looks so much like Shiloh (Brad and Angelina’s child). On that topic, the other day, Kristy said to me that Shiloh (the real one) looked like she was a total tomboy. I said, yes, she did seem like a cute little tomboy. Kristy then said (in all seriousness) “Yes, Shiloh will probably have a sex change when she is older.” Ummmmm... OKAY! Because of course, every tomboy girl grows up to have a sex change!!! You know, even after all this time, I still don’t understand many of the neuro-pathways of Kristy Baeffel’s brain. Not sure that anyone could!!

So there we were in Adelaide. Mel had made sure there was diet coke for us, and wine for me, and she had our bed made up, with the good towels on it, and we got to play with Elle, and it was good. We introduce Mel to Midori Spice cocktails, and now we had found someone who liked them better than Kristy! Oh yes, Mel likes to guzzle them.

Then... (insert music from a horror movie theme)... we went to Tea Tree Plaza!!!!!!!!! Now, a mall is a big thing for Kristy and I. We have been living in at Ayers Rock, where the supermarket has 5 aisles, and everyone knows everyone and we all chat as we shop and it’s all lovely and gorgeous. So now we are in a busy mall, 3 stories high, shop after shop after shop. And so many people, pushing and shoving, and not caring about each other. And certainly not talking to each other. It was a little overwhelming.

Mel took me into a bookstore, because she wanted to buy me a CD on how to learn Japanese (yes, I want to learn more!). Kristy disappears, (I later learn she has skipped off to look in the pet shop at the puppies), so as Mel and I are in the bookstore, I look around for Kristy. Just outside the bookstore is this short-ish, bald-ish, old-ish tosser. I say “tosser” because he was being a D.H. to his wife and 3 year old child – you know the sort, throwing his weight around, yelling at them loud enough so everyone around him could hear that he was a hero for being nasty to his wife and child. So, as Im looking for Kristy, I catch this guys eye. I turn away, (as if I want to look at someone like him) and then he says, loudly, “Don’t look at me you f%#@ing bitch!”

I have one of those moments in time where I must decide if I ignore it, or I respond to it.

I decide to respond. Uh oh!

With absolutely NO calmness whatsoever, I swing around to him and yell, “HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!”

Him and I are then embroiled in a screaming match across the bookshop. He, of course, is on the outside of the bookshop (as if he is someone that would actually BE in a bookshop) and I am in the centre of the bookshop. Everyone around us ducks out of our way (the people near us were not brave and they certainly didn’t want to get involved).

Short, fat bald man and I are yelling and yelling. I am yelling out that he should not speak to people that way, that he doesn’t know what is going on in my life, that I wasn’t looking at him so he should shut up, etc, etc. He is yelling at me that I am a f%#@ing bitch (he did seem very stuck on that phrase) and that I should f%#@ off (clearly a limited vocabulary, perhaps if he had ever been INSIDE a bookshop and actually purchased a book he might have expanded his language beyond the word "f%#@").

Kristy, as she is patting a puppy, hears a commotion, so comes on over to the bookshop. I see her walking in, with eyes like saucers because there is a lot of screaming. She then realizes that it is ME who is the big argument with short, fat, bald guy. Kristy turns to short, fat, bald guy and says to him, “There’s no need to use that f%#@ing language!” He then tells her to f%#@ off (actually he said more than that to her, but I wont include it here because it is too insulting). Suffice to say, short, fat, bald guy is an asshole.

I then went and had a massage, which helped calm me down a little. High point of that shopping expedition – we purchased a new Coleman 6 man tent for the unbelievable price of $165.00!!!!! We went back to Mel’s and had some well deserved cocktails (they are always well deserved).

We are now in Melbourne. We have been staying at my mumma’s place and at Kristy’s parents place. Anita put on a little party for Kristy’s birthday, which included a spit lamb roast, yummo! Of course the night also included Midori Splice cocktails. This is now getting a tad expensive. I may have to cut Kristy off from the cocktails. An intervention may be required.

Kristy and I made it to the 2011 Pride March. Sharon drove us in (we luv her!) and Lainy came too (she’s too cute!) and Karen (crazy girl) and Ryan (keeping his mum, Karen, in line. PS Goodluck with that Ryan!) and Jodi (hugs and hugs!) and Dustey and Ra (so good to see you guys) and Chelsea and Brian (who we just met that day). We also caught up with Lisa (OMG, has lost soooo much weight and is looking unbelievable!), and Fee and Caroline (about to get married – wooo hooo!). I got a little too smashed at Pride, so my fun time did not include very much personal pride. But it was a great day, and it was really nice to be out and about in Melbourne – it’s been too long!

Soon, we head back to Adelaide, for some extra Elle time, and then we are off to Perth. We will be travelling to Perth with a few others --- fun road trip! Yay!!!

PS. We are about to start another diet. I think we may become the fad diet queens who travel Australia (remember the blood group diet that we were on when we started this trip?) However, having said that, I have a lot of hope in this diet. I mean, the New Idea told me that Kate Middleton is on this diet, so it must be good, right!!??. Soon Kristy and I will begin the Dukan Diet. For a short time on this diet (5 to 7 days), we eat only protein. An ex vegetarian eating only meat. Interesting. We start on Sunday. Fingers crossed.